Crossroads

The greatest dillema that I faced happened at the most unexpected time of my life. I wasn’t certain about the exact place & time but I am pretty sure of the person involved.  The only time I got so confused & really didn’t know what to do.

The story is like this…

I met her at the campus,  we were sophomores then,  she was my clasmate but few months had passed & still we haven’t talked, maybe we were both shy then.  I’ve known her through my friend who was also hppened to be her friend & then we got along. Our time spent together was not that long but I must say I got to know her better.

We got along just fine & became closer & closer as days gone by.  Im just realizing it by now & it amazes me the most to reminisce the moments we spent together.  Time after time,  day by day,  we get closer & closer.  I may say that I invested my full trust in her & in everythng that she could do. & I told myself that I would do the best I could to protect & never lose the friendship.

We see each other everyday,  before,  during & after the class, of course because she’s my clasmate. We eat together with our friends,  We go out & stroll.  We talk over the phone & send each other text messages almost everyday.  We talk everything just about everything under the sun,  we laugh at small funny things we see or remember.  We imagine as far as our minds could reach.  We know each other better by telling stories of our lives & even lovelife.  We open up our problems & try to loosen the situation by coming up to a right decision.  We make kulitans & harutans almost everytime.  We had fun & obviously enjoyed each others company.  In short, she’s really my bestfriend.  I noticed that our closeness was getting more intact.  We see each other more often than before & we spend almost 12hrs everyday being together,  talking,  laughing & making fun of everything we do.  I had more concern for her than before.  I get worried when she’s away & if she’s sick.  I want to give the best help I could give whenever she needs it.  If only i could give her all she wants to have,  I would.  But I think the best thing I could do & the only thing I am supposed to do is to be the best “friend” to her & give her the greatest company to enjoy.

That was what I believed in until I found sumone.  Well,  the term is not actually “found” & is also not “met”.  Hmmm,  I think the best line would be,  “I realized that there’s this someone” someone I`ve bin with at the sad & fun moments of my life,  someone i’ve enjoyed talking to,  someone who cheers me up when i’m down,  someone who sympathizes with me when i feel bad,  someone who supports me in the things i want to do,  someone who appreciates my works,  someone who gets mad wen i’m doing something wrong,  someone kind,  understanding,  easy to get along with.  Someone i began to trust,   someone i started to like,  someone i’m falling for…  YES,  what your thinking is right.  i fell inlove with My BestFriend… My Someone…

& i don’t know how to feel about it… should i smile because we are bestfriends? or should i cry because we will never be anything more?..  how can i let the feelings go if it’s haunting me to stay?.. how can i move on if my heart will always crave for that one special moment?  those are just some of the questions hanging on my mind & i can’t find answers to these,  no matter what i do,  no matter where i go,  no matter whom i ask,  no matter how long i wait,  the answer can be found nowhere,  not in my pocket,  not in my bag,  not in my room,  not in the forest,  not with the moon & stars above nor even in the deepest ocean, but inside just TWO HEARTS.  TWO HEARTS that are afraid to take some steps forward to a commitment.  A commitment that may make or break the friendship that was built for years & nurtured two individuals.  A friendship that has reached the very extent of it which is now hard to put to risk.

How can i make move so as not to lose this friendship if a bigger part of me wants to take bigger steps to that so called love?  Here i am standing with lots of questions needing answers.  With my craving heart wishing to find the missing puzzle to complete my life.  it is very hard to be in a situation like this, u wouldn’t be able to decide where to go & which direction would you take…

And then…



Finally…

…we chosed to take bigger steps forward…  we got along together & it was fine.
We became attached until an impulsive act happened…

And in just a few minutes,  few hurting words & an irrational decision,  the love & friendship we’ve built was shattered.  We haven’t talked for a long time.  Were both hurt but i admit that i was a bit responsible for such wrong decision & i was a coward to ask forgivenes because i was protecting myself.  i’ve learned from that & i realized it is the right time to patch things up.  a long silence took place before we could talk & when we did, i couldn’t help but smile.  A smile brought about by happiness & regrets. Regrets that if only i’ve done something about that incidence. But then i knew i have to accept the fact that what had happened was really hard to forget.  So we decided to just try to forget it & bring back what we had before as much as we could. But with what i had w/ her despite all that major offenses, i don’t know but i did n0t feel even a bit of gap after we talked.  Actually, i felt we treated each other as if nothing happened.  I guess the foundation of our friendship was built strongly that nothing on earth could ever destroy & grows even stronger with the help of that situation.  & whats more unbelievable was that i neither thought of any move to make her forgive me nor even tried to ask if she had already forgiven me which should have been bothering me from the very first minute after our conversation.

i haven’t heard yet from her that i was already forgiven,  but action speaks louder than words as they say & i’ve seen it thrugh the little things she has done.  & i told myself that i would do the best i could to protect & never loose d friendship again.

Here i am standing AGAIN & i don’t know how to feel about it..  should i smile because we are friends again? or should i cry because we will never be anything more? how can i let the feelings go if its haunting me to stay? how can i move on if my heart will always crave for that one special moment? these r just some of the questions hanging on my mind…again…
& once more…
how can i make move so as not to loose this friendship if bigger part of me wants to take biger steps to that so called love…

This would be the last time that i would be in this place where confused people can be found. & it is very hard to be in a situation like this,  you wouldn’t be able to decide where to go & which direction would you take.  This is probably the last because i don’t want to be here again,  not anymore.  i don’t want myself to be found once more in this place called...  “CROSSROADS”.